Lap Zen

I love to swim. I bet you didn’t know that about me. It may be one of the things that I haven’t mentioned because there hasn’t been a lot of swimming going on in my life the last 10 years or so. Oh there have been times at the beach or at the cottage over those years. But the beach is one place where I do not like to swim.

I have watched Jaws. I know what can happen. There are things swimming underneath me. If I cannot see ALL the way to the bottom….I’m staying in the shallows.

But a pool is another matter.

I grew up swimming. I cannot remember a time when I didn’t know how to swim. A time when I didn’t love the feel of the water going past. And crazy as it sounds my favorite thing to do is to swim laps.

Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Total water zen.

The year that I homeschooled Cartoon Girl we swam almost every day. That was the year that we belonged to a local swim/tennis club. Cartoon Girl needed something that would qualify as “PE” and swimming was it. I should probably clarify. I swam laps…….Cartoon Girl was in the pool but what she was doing wasn’t laps. As far as I could tell she would spend the time rising to the surface of the pool and then sinking slowly to the bottom of the deep end, there to dwell until her air ran out. Then she would rise, gulp air and go back down.

I gave her the PE credit anyways.

But there hasn’t been any swimming for me in past years because there really hasn’t been any place TO swim. My old town didn’t have a community pool, either an inside one or an outside one. There was a pool at one of the local hotels and they would allow you to swim….for the staggering price of $400/PERSON per year. Ummmmmmmmm.

NO!

So I have sighed. I have reminisced. I have yearned for swimming laps.

Until today.

Because in my NEW town there is a community center. And not just “a” community center but what I would describe and the COMMUNITY of community centers. Weight room (where I will not be caught dead), all sorts of work out equipment (which I will gladly stand and watch), a basketball court (surely you jest), a running track (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA), and……

An indoor pool that opens at 5:30a for lap swimming. Oh be still my little beating heart. The pool was closed last week for it’s annual “check up” but it is back open now. I called at 6a, as I was waiting in the cold for Max to finish his morning rendezvous with destiny, just to be sure. And today, I swam. I had been anticipating it for days. Thinking about it. Hoping for it. I was prepared. I went and bought a new swim cap because the last time I consistently swam I had very short hair. I dug out my swim suit yesterday and had it all set out along with a towel and the aforementioned cap. HHBL and I were out the door by 6:15a, he to work out and me to swim.

I looked like an idiot at first because I couldn’t find the women’s locker room but that was only momentary, until after I got out of the pool and couldn’t find the entrance from the pool to the locker room and after wandering the length of the pool and looking like Marcus Brody from Indian Jones and the Last Crusade, wandering helplessly, had to ask a life guard. Small issues. Small. I changed clothes quickly, although I need not have as there was no one else in the locker room. No little old ladies walking around buck naked, wrinkly parts all hangin’ to China. Long story. Ask Cartoon Girl, she STILL remembers. I walked out to the pool, put down my towel and just stood there for a moment, drinking in the smell of chlorine and reveling in that warm dampness that can only be found at an indoor pool. I slipped into the water and started to swim the crawl……

And that is when I realized what I had forgotten to bring.

My swim goggles.

Oh! Ow! Geez! Pain! I can’t see the bottom of the pool. My eyes are burning right out of their sockets. Did my eyes hurt this bad when I was growing up and wouldn’t be caught dead with swim goggles on? At this point it really didn’t matter because I wasn’t going to do the crawl with my eyes closed. OK, I can do the breast stroke.

Nope. I have to put my head under the water for part of that.

How about the back stroke? A bit better but still water dripping in my eyes.

Side stroke? That worked for awhile but I just kept feeling like I needed to save someone from drowning.

Back to the back stroke where I just kept blinking the water out of my eyes and hoping that I wouldn’t be so distracted that I would run into the end wall of the pool…..in front of the very bored life guard who is just hoping something would happen with the crazy side stroke woman.

Never you mind if I ran into the end of the pool at some point this morning! It isn’t germane to the story. Moving on.

But tomorrow will be a different story……..

The zen of lap swimming, with out the chlorine blindness, here I come.

Summers Used to Be More Fun

Remember summers when you were growing up? The last days of school ticked down, slower than molasses on a cold Cleveland day. The anticipation building because you knew that the day after school ended that three months of freedom began.

Three blissful months when you could do nothing.

Or almost nothing if you were me. I had chores. But when the chores were done……

Reading!!!!

And more reading!!!!!

And perhaps a nap, but only when I was older and understood that naps were divine.

Then out to hang with friends, walk the neighborhood, see a movie, sleep over at someone’s house.

And then there was the cottage. Starting in 1967 it was the focus of the summer. Oh the cottage. And the water. And the skiing. And the ice cream. And the flea market.

And then adulthood came along. And POOF! went the unconstructed months.

Tomorrow is the first day of summer and it always hits me right about this time of the year that my summer is going to just fly by.

ZOOOOOOOOOM! It is here and then it isn’t and we are thinking about snow. Sigh.

I am so busy. So, so busy. In January we think about the long and lazy days of summer. We yearn for them here in the Frozen Northeast Ohio. We think about them like a super model thinks about carbohydrates. With undisguised longing.

I love the Frozen Northeast Ohio in the summer time. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to travel. I just want to stay here and enjoy the all too brief perfect summer weather. What I really want to do is just to sit on my back deck, surrounded by my flowers and hosta, minus any deer that might be snooping around….

A lovely glass of ice tea sitting next to me and a book in my hand. Hours of unrestricted time to wallow in a book.

But it just isn’t happening.

Nope.

Nada.

Right now I am having a very difficult time “letting” myself sit down and read a book in the middle of the afternoon. Or in the morning. I might manage a bit of reading in the evening but evening isn’t really my best reading time. There is just too much to do.

There is a wedding to work on.

There is photo editing to complete.

There is gardening to do, both at home and at the Community Garden.

There is a personal project or two that I am so very behind on.

I cook and bake on occasion.

There is cleaning to be done.

Oh wait….you didn’t believe that last one did you? How long have you been hanging around here?

And of course I went to the library yesterday and came home with two books.

I miss my unrestricted summer time.

A Life Well Lived

HHBL, Shoe Queen, Slim Jim and I went to a funeral on Sunday.

Father’s Day.

Robin mourned her husband.

Ashley, Alan and Allie said goodbye to their dad.

All of us came together to celebrate the life and person that was Mark. 55 years old, in relatively good health although he had Parkinson Syndrome, Mark was the picture of a man entering retirement, sort of.  Mark always said that he had asked God to make him a “mover and a shaker” and God had a sense of humor hence the Parkinsons. No one, least of all his family, expected that the Lord that Mark loved so much would call him home so very soon and so very suddenly. He was there, and then he wasn’t.

I can say that Mark was one of the nicest, kindest, funniest men that I have known. Always quick with a smile and a pun. A second father to Shoe Queen and her gang of friends. A man of integrity and intelligence, calm spirit and wisdom.

And when I read his obituary, I realized that the Mark I knew was only a tiny part of the Mark that was. He lived his life quietly, intensely, compassionately. He loved the Lord with intensity. And because he loved God, he loved others with that same passion and intensity. Always willing to help others, often times anonymously. Always quick with insight or a pun or both.

His son, Alan, said something that has been ringing in my ears. He said that tragedy isn’t a short life, it is a small life.

Mark may have had a short life. But he certainly didn’t have a small life.

I hope, when the time comes for the Lord to call me home, that people who know me will say that I did not live a small life.

Mark certainly didn’t.

 

To the Miscreant Who Stole My Credit Card Number I Say PFFFFFFFFT!

Don’t you just hate days that start out so well and then go down hill.

OK, today hasn’t actually gone down hill all the way. It could have been a whole heck of a lot more down hill than it was.

I sound like I am whining and I really am not….

Much.

The day started out well, if early. HHBL had to be out the door by 5:30a which is not his optimal time but he rose to the occasion. I was awake with a headache so up I got. We had a showing this morning so I fluffed and buffed Chez Knit a bit but nothing special. Then out to fill up the time of the showing and….

And…..

OK, and to buy an ESSENTIAL item for Big Bertha. Or more specifically for Big Bertha’s friend Samuel J. Speedlite. Bertha and Sam had been haranguing me to get a diffuser for Sam. He felt that he just couldn’t do some of the jobs that I was asking of him without one. He is such a greedy flash. He and Bertha ganged up on me I swear!

And isn’t it amazing how I anthropomorphize my camera equipment. You do that don’t you?

Don’t you?

Moving on.

So I stop at Wally Mart AND at Target to see if they carry Compact Flash cards cuz I also needed another one of those. Curse you Canon for making the 7D a Compact Flash and not SD. But nada in both places. Or should I say nada except a 4G card which wouldn’t even be worth thinking about buying let alone actually buying. So I declared savings defeat and drove over to my local camera store to talk to Diane about what diffuser she would recommend and to pick up another 32G card. It tells you something if I am on a first name basis with the genius at the camera store. AND the fact that I actually have a camera store a 15 minute drive from me is excellent in itself.

I was completely proud of myself that I went into the place where I would spend all my money camera store and only purchased the two things that I needed. I didn’t look, much, at any new lenses. I didn’t even ask Diane to take any of the lovely glass out of the case so that I could gaze at it. I chatted. I purchased. I left.

Went and bought a cup of coffee and a pecan twist and sat in Panera for a bit to use up the rest of the time that I had to be absent from Chez Knit and then toodled back home where, when I was just getting out of my car, the realtor and her clients drive up the driveway an hour later than their allotted time. Seriously? I just tried to make myself scarce as they wandered for about 15 minutes before moving on to the house next door. Sigh.

Finally time to have lunch and I was just sitting down for a thrilling meal of leftovers when the home phone rang. I almost didn’t bother answering it because we don’t get too many calls on the home phone and usually someone is just trying to sell us something. The caller ID said “CHASE” and again I almost didn’t pick it up because I figured that it was Chase Bank trying to sell us some other service that we didn’t need.

But I picked up…

And came to find that some lying cheating stealing buttface person had stolen my credit card number and Chase was calling to make sure that their assumptions on this were correct. Yes, I had just spent some money at Dodd Camera. Yes, I had a small Amazon charge the other day.

How about the one from The Freemont Hotel?

Ummm……no.

How about the one from Steam Games?

That would be a negatory.

Well, shit.

Sorry, said a bad word. And I used an even worse word to Cartoon Girl when describing the miscreants who absconded with my credit card number. She forgave me (she has heard me say that word before) but I cannot use that word here. I can think it though. And I am. Really loudly.

So now I have to wait for a new card to come. And I then have to try to remember where I need to change card information. What a pain in my ever expanding bahookie. All because some fucker (oops, wrote the word anyways) miscreant couldn’t be bothered to use their own money to play the latest version of Monkey Butts Universe.

And Chase? I am sorry I thought such bad things about you. You guys were “Johnny on the Spot” about catching the fraud and getting it taken care of. Thank you.

I think I will go play with my new diffuser.

Or have a glass of wine.

Or both.

It is 5 o’clock somewhere I am sure.

 

Tingles for a Rainy Day

Saturday was a beautiful day. Sunday was a beautiful day.

Today is Monday….and it is raining. Dreary and raining. I need more coffee as my sugar high from the Dr. Pepper has just worn off.

On dreary days I sometimes like to look at something that makes me very happy. Something that just makes me sigh and all warm and tingly on the inside.

Oh yes, that will do it.

The other thing that for some odd reason makes me happy are the book shelves in my office.

I don’t know why it is, I just cannot say. They just make me happy in all their slightly jumbled bookishness. Perhaps it is because there are loads of tchotchke that reside there. Things that ended up on the shelves and have a place in my heart.

Or not.

Lets look shall we.

A Matchbox car from my nephew, Gregory. It actually lived in my garden from 2003-20012, moving from place to place. Gregory left it there originally when he was here for a family reunion. I would see it, pick it up, put it some place to take it inside and then forget it for another year. I FINALLY remembered to bring it into the house. It looks like it needs another car wash.

My original piggy bank from my growing up years. I used to love to hear the change in it and feel it get heavier and heavier.

Misc shells picked up from various times at the beach. I try not to do that anymore because, really, what do I need with more shells.

And yes, that is a real butterfly, although I do not know what kind. I walked out onto the driveway late in the summer and it was just laying there on the concrete, stiff with butterfly rigor mortis. It somehow has landed on my shelves where it is slowly dropping butterfly dust. I will get rid of it one of these days.

Various carved figures. The man with the pipe I bought, for a now un-remembered reason, in Oberammergau in Germany. The same town where the Christmas Nativity was purchased many years before. The donkeys are both from Israel, purchased at different times for me by the Pringle grandparents on their travels.

Ah this brings me a smile. It was given to HHBL by someone while on his first trip to Rwanda. A candle holder that is oddly shaped and doesn’t hold candles well but which reminds me of the light that I saw in the faces of children when we visited.

Salt and Pepper shakers from Cartoon Girl. They make me laugh so I keep them here rather than use them for their intended purpose.

A piece of Lake Erie drift wood with my name on it. These were place holders at Matt and Hannah’s lovely wedding.

And finally, some card games that I do not actually play. I had these same games when I was growing up. The originals were long ago given away in some cleanout or other. But when I discovered that I could actually order them from somewhere on the internet…..I did. Just for old times sake. Sometimes you just have to do that.

If your day is dreary outside go and find something to look at that makes you happy. I think I will go and stand in front of my book shelves and feel all warm and tingly.

I Was NOT Trained For This

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be a small, very small, tiny, miniscule business owner. That is what I am after all. I have a business. I am a photographer.

I take photos and people pay me to do that.

How the HECK did I end up here, doing this? You know, that might be a blog post all it’s own. And I will explore that thought…….later.

Now back to the rant.

And so, when you have a business, however small minute that business is, you need a website. Some place to hang your hat and say,

LOOK what I can do!!! Look what I can do for YOU!!!!

Can you guess what I have been doing today?

Can you?

If you were sitting next to me at this moment….

Well……

You might be hiding with Maxwell. It has been that kind of day.

I have a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I have a brain that is stuffed to overflowing with knowledge.

Have a yen to know what Rhabdomyosarcoma is? I have the answer to that!

If you need to know the names of the Japanese aircraft carriers sunk at the Battle of Midway I am your girl.

If you need to know the names of the Kings and Queens of England from George I onwards, I have you covered.

If you need to organized your house, bake some bread, make jam and knit socks all at the same time I am the person to call.

If you need photography skills I will be right over with my trusty camera bag.

But I am not skilled woefully inadequate in the category of designing a website.

Woefully. Inadequate.

Lordy why can’t putting together a website be like photographing a wedding. I would just tell all the parts to go here and go there and do this and do that, shut up and look good. And then everything would be fine.

I don’t REALLY tell people to shut up when I am going wedding photography. People don’t smile when you say that.

Unfortunately that isn’t the way that it works here at Chez Knit. I cannot bend the website gods to my will just by saying something. And before you say anything, yes I KNOW that HHBL is a software guy and could be helpful. And yes I KNOW that TSiL is a Graphic Designer and is infinitely better suited for this work. And actually knows what he is doing FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!

And of course there is the little fact that on Sunday evening I pulled the switch on using a new host provider for the website. And that means that the old website, rudimentary as it was, has to be re-done.

But in the immortal words of Cartoon Girl

I DO IT MYSELF!

I hatehatehatehatehatehatehate not knowing how to do something that I feel I should be able to do. How hard can this be for the LOVE of Peter, Paul and Mary? Famous last words.

And when this mediocre and mundane fabulous website is finally at a place where I can actually show it to you then I will.

And hopefully that happens before I throw up my hands in creative disgust and go have a cookie. Or a beer.

Help me…or shoot me….or something.

Wow, aren’t you glad you stopped by today.

A Negative Train of Thought

Oh? Were you thinking that I was going to rant about something? Take someone to task. Vent my feelings?

No, not really, although that woman who was driving 30mph in a 55mph on the two lane road this morning does still have some of my ire. It is just that it is raining at the moment and my mind is wandering (that comes from listening to too much Hildegard von Bingen) and this list came to me.

Strange how my mind works.

I am normally a fairly flexible person. Having children and traveling internationally to places that don’t have running water let alone a hot shower will help you to take what comes and look for the humor. But there are a few things that you will never find me doing…..

Eating liver
- like this is really a surprise. I just thought I would start out with an easy one.

Walking barefoot
- Nope. Doesn’t happen EVAH! Unless I am walking from the shower to the closet or the bathroom to the bed. I wear some form of foot covering at all times. And there is NO WAY that you will find me walking barefoot in the grass. 

- this does not apply to sand at the beach obviously

Drinking diet soda - I would rather have nothing to drink then to drink diet soda.
- regular Coke is another matter entirely. And don’t get in between me and my ice cold Dr. Pepper.

Wear a bikini - the earth, and all people who have sight, would cease to exist as we know it if I did.

Wear the color yellow - When I wear the color yellow people tend to come up to me and ask me if I am ill…..or perhaps dead. I envy people who can wear the color yellow, it is so sunny and bright and happy. But not for me.  

Eating pickled octopus again - I would rather gouge out my tongue.

Eating Sweet Potatoes that have been combined with brown sugar and topped with marshmallows
- I like Sweet Potatoes a lot. But I like them baked with a bit of butter and salt. Or as fries. But not the other way. The other way is just wrong (sorry Mom).

Coloring my gray hair
- you can have my gray hair when you can pry it from my cold, dead fingers. Dana, the woman who cuts my hair, has finally stopped asking about it and, gasp, told me last time that she really likes the gray streak. Of course, she could have just been conceding defeat.

OK, I think I am done now. I am sure that you are thankful for that. But I don’t promise that this list won’t rear it’s ugly head again at some time.

You just never know.

A New Hampshire Primary Poem

In today's New Hampshire primary, they vote for Mitt or Newt.
Or John or Rick or Ron or Rick whichever one will suit.
But I'm not paying any mind to what goes on with them,
I'm just waiting for my Joe to wake up my brain stem.

This has been your Elixir of Life and Political post for the morning. You can thank me later.

These Are NOT Resolutions

I do not “do” New Years resolutions. I don’t do them because I know that I will invariably fail. And then I will get all depressed. And unhappy. And moody.

You get the picture.

What I do is set some fairly easily attainable goals that I can work on over the course of the year. And I try to actually write them down not just think about them. If they are written down then they are some how more concrete. It keeps me honest. It keeps me on track. Nothing major like “I am going to lose 30 pounds this year!”

If I wrote that one down I would just stare at it and laugh. “Diet” is a four letter word to me. Believe me, I have been on enough to know that they never work, at least not for me. If I cannot have that chocolate chip cookie then all I will think about all day long is the chocolate chip cookie. All. Day. Long.

Hmmm, I seem to have digressed just a bit.

The list isn’t long. It isn’t all that detailed. It might even be a bit boring for that matter. Don’t tell me if it is. I am a tender plant that bruises easily.

1. Put a bit more planning into meals
I have become VERY lax in this department. VERY. When the progeny were still at home I was a fiend for planning meals. But now that HHBL and I are the only ones here….not so much. It is not an uncommon thing for 4p or even 5p to roll around and for me to ask the dreaded question of myself…

I wonder what we should have for dinner?

And then I spend time trying to figure it out and if there is meat involved trying to figure out how to get it thawed and cooked. Too much pressure. And I end up falling back on the same recipes rather than trying something else. I love to cook and bake so if I just put a bit of time in at the beginning of the month I wouldn’t be tearing my hair out on a Wednesday afternoon. And I am going to be participating in Dandy’s 52 Food Adventures! A 2012 Challenge so I had better do some planning. My “new” ingredient for this week was chipotle peppers in adobo sauce. I forgot to take pictures of the soup I made but trust me it was good. 5 Bean Soup with Chipotle Peppers and Chorizo. AND why didn’t anyone tell me about the “kick” that those things have. Holy Momma!

2. Knitting From The Stash
This will not be a difficult as you might think. At current count I could produce 15 pairs of socks with the sock yarn that I have “in the cupboard”.

And then there might be all the yarn that I need for this little project…..

It is all wrapped up and just waiting for me to start………..

Plus there might be some alpaca that is crying out to be a sweater of some kind.

Plus I REALLY need to get going on the sweater/hat for the Booshy sprout who will be arriving soon. She doesn’t know so don’t tell her OK?

And who am I really kidding. I am sure that I will buy some yarn this year. Just a little bit. Just a smidge. Maybe some more alpaca since I am going to be where there are a lot of alpacas.

And I am fairly short on sock yarn.

Yarn Hoarding? What yarn hoarding?

3. Learn how to sell stuff on Ebay
How hard can this be REALLY. And I have a bunch of stuff that I have cleaned out and that needs to be disposed of but is too valuable just to take over to AmVets.

I am now in possession of the book “Ebay for Dummies” which should be just about my speed.

REALLY, how hard can this be. Famous last words.

4. Continue the clean out process here at Chez Knit
I will continue to clean out and dispose and reporpose and reuse and blog about the whole thing over at The 100 Days Cleanout.

And when I am done with THAT 100 days then it will be 100 days of cleanout out and deleting photos that I will never be using or editing. I cling to all the photos that I take like the Queen of England clings to her oversized handbag.

Don’t you sometimes wonder what she keeps in that thing? It can’t be money or keys to the Royal mini van.

No?

Never mind.

5. Work on growing my business
I am a photographer. I am a photographer. I am a photographer.

And to keep me honest I have to tell you that I do have a business…..

Hidden Moments Photography.

AND that there is a website now. It is small. It is simple. It is evolving.

It is Hidden Moments Photography

Really, I am a photographer. And isn’t that just a kick!! I get tickled every time I think about it.

And then I get really scared.

6. Publish my “Elixir of Life” posts in book form.
I will let you all know when that happens. And I am also thinking calendar. Who knows. I will keep writing them until the elixir well runs dry.

And there are people that are hoping that happens very soon.

Well, I think that will do it for now. None of these are lofty and unattainable. None of them are earth shattering. All of them are dear to my little heart.

I will keep you posted.

The New Year Is Here!!! But I Am Not Done With 2011

In what has become my blogging habit I will spend the first blog of 2012 looking back at 2011.

I like to wrap up life in a nice, neat little package. And since I didn’t blog last week this is what you get. And it is Loooooooong.

Lets see……..

1. I got back on Hi Ho Silver my trusty bike and managed to ride a total of 289.58 miles. It wasn’t quite the 300 miles that I had hoped to log but then we did have a particularly rainy summer….and I was a tad rusty on the trusty bicycle.

2012 will hopefully be filled with more biking miles and more road kill reports. Being on a bike brings you so much closer to what is lying in the middle of the road.

2. I read 34,753 pages. That equals 109 books. 34 Non-Fiction, 74 Fiction.

Not too bad I must say. It seemed like the Year of Fiction which is unusual for me as I tend to lean toward history and other non-fiction stuff. But I am re-discovering my love of fiction. Who knows what will happen this year as I am spending more time reading on the ipad.

You know I will tell you eventually.

3. There was a bit of traveling done in 2011.

We spent some time in Tucson visiting Dapoo and Linda. There was sun and warmth. There was snow. There was a dog that got to lick the spoon every day. I played Scrabble for the first time in many years. There was that unfortunate Scrabble game in 1997 that nearly scared me for life.

We traveled to NYC for the Quigg Family Reunion. 5 days full of food, family and fun. As well as strange pictures, subways, crowds and the occasional stop for ice cream.

We traveled to Virginia to attend the wedding of TSiL’s twin brother, The Future Doctor to the lovely School Marm. There was fun. There was laughter…..and there was that unfortunate Deb stepping on the wedding dress train and ripping it incident.

But we won’t talk about that.

4. There might have been a bit of knitting.

35+ projects in all. Numerous hats. A bunch of lace. 9 pairs of socks.

Remember, I knit so I do not kill.

5. There was…The Garden.

A year full of record breaking rain. A tomato hornworm infestation. Flowers galore. Obsessively laid out garden beds. Total zucchini failure and fresh lettuce galore.

So of course next year we are expanding our garden by adding a 20x20 foot plot.

We want to grow potatoes.

6. I actually claimed the title of professional photographer.

7 And finally…there might have been a picture or two of various things.

Birds!

Squirrels!

Baseball!

Cow Butts!

Who knows what might happen in 2012!!

I Cannot Be Trusted With Even Small Numbers

Saturday night was the company Christmas party here at Chez Knit. A rollicking time was had by all.

Or at least that is what they TOLD me. I am sticking with it.

The appetizers were all ready.

The punch was made. The wine was chilled. The Christmas music was playing softly. The table was set. All was ready.

Everyone arrived safe and sound and the party started. I had planned to have appetizers for about an hour and then sit down to dinner before moving on to our Annual Company White Elephant Gift Exchange. Sounds good.

There was a slight glitch when I realized that the chicken wasn’t cooking as fast as I needed it to so I just turned the temp of the oven up and hoped for the best.

Mingle, mingle, mingle. Chat, chat, chat. Nosh, nosh, nosh. Almost time for dinner.

And it was at that point that I made the fateful and ultimately face saving decision. Because heaven forbid I look like an idiot.

I asked Yvonne to do a final head count for me. It really wasn’t necessary. I knew how many should be there because Evite had told me how many had responded. The table was set for eleven people just like Evite had told me. And why would Evite lie to me.

Hey Deb, I did the count and there are, including HHBL and yourself, thirteen people.

Ummmmmm, Yvonne did you say THIRTEEN people? You are sure it isn’t eleven people like Evite told me there would be?

No, there are thirteen.

Thirteen people?? How could this be? I know that there weren’t any uninvited hangers on who just showed up.

Look at the people in the family room. Look at the table in the dining room. Look at the people. Look at the table.

And then it struck me. Yes, there were eleven GUESTS here. But I had neglected to add HHBL or myself to the count.

***insert LARGE dope slap right here***

And there in lay a problem because, you see, we can seat up to twelve at the dining room table if we put two people at each end. But we cannot seat thirteen.

ShootShootShootShitShootShootShitShootShoot.

Quick as a wink I zoomed to the basement and grabbed the folding card table and brought it quietly upstairs. Thank goodness I didn’t need to use the chairs that go with the card table. They are really grody.

I ignored the cobwebs on the underside, slapped that baby down at the end of the table by the kitchen, threw a sort of matching table cloth on it and had MaryJayne help me rearrange place settings and move chairs.

And no one knew the difference. Or at least they didn’t say anything about it.

Other than the fact that there were three of us sitting at a card table at the end of the big table. Slightly lower. Slightly wobbly. Sort of child like. I almost got a glass of milk just to make the picture complete.

Obviously I cannot be trusted with even small numbers when giving a dinner party.

The Christmas Decorations Are Still Waiting.

Today was the day when I was going to get all the Christmas decorations put up.

But it in immortal words of Aragorn

It is not THIS day.

I will say that I have managed to get all of the boxes up stairs. There really aren’t that many of them but still enough that it took a number of trips up and down the stairs. And there are still several boxes to go. But that is all that is getting done today I am thinking.

It isn’t that I haven’t had a very productive day because I have. Today I have:

- managed to turn on the mixer on high with the bowl full of flour, spewing the flour all over. I mean ALL OVER.

- forgotten that I had the mixer kneading bread dough. I had my ear buds in and I just went on to the next task. That bread kneaded for at least 20 minutes and the mixer was VERY WARM and I could smell how hot the motor was. Not. Good. But the bread is delicious.

- fought a losing battle with the squirrels and the new feeder. I am going to have to construct a squirrel baffle.

Why would you want to baffle me? I don’t understand?

- broken a dish

- done 4 loads of laundry

- thrown out several newly purchased containers of yogurt because I didn’t read the label and didn’t realize they were sweetened with Splenda. That explains the massive headache that I had yesterday. AND they tasted terrible, sweet but flat. Serves me right for buying store brand. Should have stuck to Stoneyfield. And yes I know it is terrible to waste them and throw them out but I will never eat them. I avoid any and all artificial sweetners if I can.

So I have decided to just call it a day and go and do some knitting. And maybe re-watch the finale from The Walking Dead which I am totally unsure of my feelings on. Or watch my Netflix movie. Or watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow parts 1 & 2.

But the Christmas decorations will have to wait for another day. But they can’t wait too long cuz I have 25+ ladies showing up at Chez Knit on Monday for the annual stealing orgy Ornament Exchange. We know everything will be decorated by then.

Or at least I hope so.

I Don’t Just Know How To Bake A Cake

I attended a business/investor meeting with HHBL last night. HHBL thought that this particular meeting might be interesting for me as they were talking about a number of medical issues and investments and you know, there is that whole Debbie has a BSN thing. Actually I thought it might be interesting.

But going to the meeting meant that I was the only Domestic Engineer in a room full of businessmen and entrepreneurs and men in suits and I was as out of place as an Occupy Wall Street protestor in a room full of gainfully employed adults.

This is how the evening went.

Run into the Country Club out of the pouring rain.

Try to quickly drip dry.

They didn’t have a name tag for me so the lovely young girl who was running the registration table printed me out a stick on label. Now we KNOW, if it wasn’t already apparent, that I am a guest.

Mingle, mingle, mingle. Get introduced as the little woman. HHBL doesn’t really say that. Try to make intelligent small talk. Hmmm. Hmmmm. Really? Hmmmm. Yes, I see.

I. Need. A. Drink.

$7 glass of mediocre Pinot Grigio purchased. The entire bottle from which the glass was poured most likely cost $10. Grrrrrrrrr.

Grab some appetizers. Spoon a large mound of nice, garlicky, Greek olive tapenade onto my plate along with lovely crisp pita chips. Sit at the table and make LOUD crunching noises while the head of the investment group makes the introductions. I now REEK of garlic and need a breath mint or twenty.

I cannot get wifi therefore I cannot tweet.

You know, after consuming half this glass of wine it isn’t all that bad and the world has a rosy glow. Must slow down on the wine.

Need more appetizers. Badly.

Speaker one is done. I knew about this company so paid attention but not all that closely.

Speaker two is up and talking about the product. And talking. And talking. And talking.

And I am taking notes actually because this is interesting. Very interesting. And the brain cells are firing on most of their cylinders. And he is talking and showing slides. And I am thinking.

And then it is time for questions. Questions. Answers. Questions. Answers. Questions. Answers. No one is throwing the guy a curve ball.

And then the Domestic Engineer raises her hand (that would be me)

Me: The mucous membranes of the duodenum can be thought of as delicate. Have you had any instances of irritation of the duodenal lining at the distal end of the device?

Presenter: Ummmmmmmmmmm. Yes.

He didn’t necessarily want to answer the question. It wasn’t in the scripted plan. And the businessmen/entrepreneurs/suits…….

Did the housewife just ask that question?

Why yes I did.

BAZINGA!

Score one for the Domestic Engineer.

I don’t just spend my day baking cakes you know.

Because

Because I am waiting for oil to heat on the stove.

Because I am making Old Fashioned Donuts with Chocolate Glaze. I shouldn’t but I am.

Because I have no energy.

Because I cannot be trusted not to take rather strange pictures.

Because I want to eat donuts for dinner.

Because Great Big Sea and Pink are playing loudly on the ipod.

Because the sun refuses to stay out and is hiding behind the clouds.

I give you….

Still Life On a Dirty Window Sill

Now you may go back to your normal lives.

I think the oil is ready. Hurrah!

I Struggle

Sometimes I can find an endless number of things to do other than blog. And after you read this then you may wish that I hadn’t blogged.

See, I wrote those sentences and then decided that I would get up and do something else. After a few measly sentences. I wrote it. I thought about it. I got up and messed around with some things that I am cleaning out. I started a load of laundry (HHBL’s baseball pants that need to be soaked). Anything but blogging and putting words on “internet paper”.

I am struggling you see.

Struggling with many things.

Struggling sometimes to know what to say here. Does any thing I say have any relevance? Does it really matter if it does or not. Does it really matter that I am even here?

I am struggling with what I should be doing with my time. With my life.

Some days I struggle with just about everything in my life. I don’t care that my kitchen is dirty. I don’t care that the Hummingbird came to the feeder. Tears stream.

If you met me you might not know it. I usually have a smile on my face (except if you cut me off in traffic). I try to be nice. I try to be polite. I try to be productive. But I still struggle.

I guess you could say that I struggle with relevance. I know that I am relevant to God, that is one thing that I do not doubt. But it is all the other things that just sometimes feel like they are going to do me in. Most of the time it is pushed to the back of my mind and I just leave it there. But then there are times when it just comes roaring to the front and there is not a thing that I can do to stop it. I am overwhelmed and unable to cope.

Funny. Or not. I have reached the grand old age of 51 and I just don’t know what I am supposed to do.

What to do with my life. What to do with whatever talent I might possess.

I could read all day, take care of my house, experiment in the kitchen (my pasta primavera yesterday was KILLER), knit, garden, take pictures of stuff, mess around with said pictures. All those things.

But is that what I am supposed to be doing?

If it is then I would really just like some peace about that. If not then I would really like the Lord to open a big door and put out a big sign that says

Deb, THIS (with accompanying arrow) is what you are supposed to be doing.

But I haven’t seen the arrow or the sign yet.

And so I struggle on.

May The Fourth Be With You

Do you know what today is?

It is National Star Wars Day!

You know….”May the Fourth be with you”

Get it?

Star Wars?

Hello?

Oh how I loved Star Wars, and still do. When the first one came out, that heady summer of 1977, I went to see it 6 times. Six. Times. I could, and still can, say all the dialogue. The sound track was the first record that I purchase after buying my very first stereo. I played it over and over and over and over.

And then there was The Empire Strikes Back which in my opinion is the best of the three. Papa (my parental unit) was a physician and he had a patient who had….a bootleg copy of the movie on a VHS tape. I don’t know how she obtained it. I didn’t ask. It wasn’t very good quality but that really didn’t matter to me. I was allowed to borrow it for about 2 weeks I think and I watched it every single day. The whole thing. Every day. Oh Han! Oh Leia!

I love you!

I know.

Rapture.

And then finally there was Return of the Jedi when all of the loose ends were tied up. We always knew that Leia and Han loved each other and would be together forever. That the Emperor would get his just comeuppance. That there was some good in Darth Vader. That the Ewoks were totally and completely annoying but had to be put up with.

Star Wars has dogs in it right?  

But you might be asking yourself: Deb, what about Star Wars I, II and III? You know, those “prequel” movies that George Lucas did?

And my response to that would be that those three movies are stinking piles of steaming doo doo and we don’t talk about them here at Chez Knit. We only watch them when we need to be reminded about what truly bad movie making is and how George Lucas should NEVER be allowed to write dialogue. And also when I need a real laugh at bad acting. I own them because the set would be incomplete without them but that doesn’t mean that I ever watch them.

And don’t even get Cartoon Girl going on the subject of the digital “enhancement” of the original movies. Sheesh! We talk a lot about movies she and I.

And now I will go and knit and watch the beauty that is Star Wars. May the Fourth be with you! And just to give you a little Star Wars boost to your day watch the video below.