It’s About Star Wars

This post is about Star Wars. You have been warned.

I might have mentioned somewhere along the way that I am a rather big (in the love sense not in the size sense) Star Wars fan. I am not going to go to any fan conventions and you won’t see me slipping on my “Leia buns” of a weekend….

But I love Star Wars.

And I have a legitimate claim to loving them because I saw Star Wars IV: A New Hope, or as we knew it then, Star Wars, 7 times the summer that it came out. Yes, seven times thankyouverymuch. We saw it the week that it came out and there was nothing else like it. The first time those words came rolling across the screen and the music started, life was never quite the same for me moviewise. And perhaps I saw The Empire Strikes Back just as many times when it came out….plus there was that, cough cough, bootleg copy that I borrowed for a while from a patient of my father’s.

Longtime, legit Star Wars fan. I might have drawn Cartoon Girl into the cult…that cannot come as a shock to you.

So when the “prequels” came out there was much anticipation in our household. How could we not love them. And then we saw The Phantom Menace. What a steaming pile of Bantha doodoo. Really George Lucas?!? Mitachlorians? JarJar Binks??Not even the cool Sith Lord’s apprentice couldn’t overcome the disappointment. Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith were better, barely, but it was decided that George Lucas should never be allowed to write a script for Star Wars ever again.

And then, there was a divergence in the Chez Knit force. George Lucas decided that he was going to digitally remaster the “original” three movies, adding some scenes and tweaking some things. I didn’t really like that idea but those are his works and he can do as he chooses. It sort of seemed like da Vinci saying he didn’t really like how the Mona Lisa turned out and he was going to add some things.

Cartoon Girl had a completely different, and shall we say more forceful reaction. She declared that she would never watch the remastered ones EVER! She owns my original VHS tapes and I am not sure she has ever seen the “newer” versions of them. You will need to ask her.

And now we get to what I really wanted to tell you about. It only took me about 300 words to get there. Not bad I think.

It has been MANY a year since I have watched any or all of the Star Wars ouvre. I just couldn’t think about putting Star Wars I, II and II before the frankly older but better IV,V and VI (using the George Lucas numbering system. Don’t get me started on that one!) But awhile ago I heard rumblings and writings about a different way to shuffle the movies around that actually made better sense. Way, way, way better sense.

The Machete Order.

For a full description of Ron Hilton’s reasoning just click on the link above. It is too involved to sum up here but let me just say that the man is a genius.

This weekend HHBL was at a conference. So once I had done all the things I needed to do on Saturday I decided to indulge myself and watch Star Wars in Machete Order. It took me two days but I have done it.

Why Machete Order? If you look at the order that I watched them in you will understand.

Star Wars IV: A New Hope
Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars II: Attach of the Clones
Star Wars II: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi.

What is missing? Why Machete? If you look closely you will see that Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace……is completely gone. Erased. As if the mitachlorians and JarJar Binks had never existed. Well, you have a bit of old JarJar in III, where he is hoodwinked by the Emperor, but other than that you are back to pretty much the basic story.

Treat Star Wars II and III like flash backs after the startling revelations at the end of V and the story flows much better. You still have to deal with some of the stupid dialogue that Lucas wrote. And there are a few inconsistencies that cannot be digitally remastered out. But other than that……

I am a much happier Star Wars fan. Try the Machete Order. It is much better to cut out JarJar that to cut out Star Wars completely from my life.

Another Strange Obsession

I should most likely say that this post has absolutely nothing to do with the crash of MH17. That is a horrific situation that can have no humor attached to it.

This is not about that.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way so that I do not get angry emails…not that I ever do get angry emails, but if I did then this would hopefully forestall that.

Where was I? Oh yes, I remember.

Everyone likes to read about plane crashes don’t they? I cannot be the only one who will sit, with rapt attention, through all the episodes of “Air Disasters”, right?

Right?

Hello?

Fine, I will start with a short story. Many years ago in a house far, far away. Well, not that far away actually but in the scheme of my life it was two houses ago. As I was saying, many years ago when the progeny were little they were not given unlimited access to any kind of screen time. They are old enough that when they were growing up “screen time” meant sitting in front of the TV. We had a computer but no one would have thought that you could use it for anything other than work. Windows hadn’t been invented yet.

I think I rabbit trailed there. Anyhoo…..

The progeny had an hour of TV watching a day. This meant that even if you were in the same room with the TV on but it wasn’t the show you wanted to watch but you just happened to be, inadvertently of course, piggybacking onto your sister’s show but you REALLY weren’t paying attention, HONEST…..your hour of TV had been used up.

Go out and play in the dirt.

Sure you can have a hammer and nails. Just don’t nail your sister to the garage wall and no one had better get ANY blood on their clothes.

But that one hour a day did not include movies, or at least some movies. If it was a musical, no problem. You can watch The King and I till the cows come home, if we had any cows that is. I used to sing “Part of Your World” in my sleep they watched The Little Mermaid so often. If it had Charlton Heston in it, you were good to go. Ah Charleton Heston, how we loved him.

Parting the sea in The Ten Commandments, “Behold His mighty hand!”

Driving a chariot in Ben Hur, “Your eyes are full of hate, 41. That’s good.”

Running a circus in The Greatest Show on Earth, “Your veins are full of sawdust!”

If a movie had Charleton Heston in it then most likely I let them watch it. Well all except for maybe Touch of Evil. That movie even creeps me out. But most anything else with CH in it was a thumbs up.

And that is how, in 1992 we first encountered the movie Crash Landing: The Rescue of Flight 232. Just a little made for TV movie with CH, Richard Thomas, James Coburn and a cast of other TV actors telling the story of the 1989 crash of United Airlines 232 in Sioux City, IA in 1989. For some reason, when it was on the TV for the first time, I hit the record button on the VCR and recorded that movie. And a cult following was born. They watched that tape over and over and over again. I watched that tape over and over and over again right along with them. We were so attached to that particular tape that when HHBL had a short, two day business trip to Rochester, NY and all of us went along  because there was a pool at the hotel, I took that tape along with us (because they wouldn’t be separated from it even for two days) and watched it in the VCR that the hotel so kindly let us rent from them.

And then when we went home……I left it at the hotel in the VCR.

I didn’t think that we would survive the horrible upheaval that happened when it was discovered that the tape had been left at the hotel. Wailing and gnashing of teeth! Rending of clothes! Weeping and moaning. I called the hotel as soon as the loss was discovered but by that time the tape was no where to be found.

We went into deep mourning. No more Charleton Heston playing Capt. Al Haynes saying the immortal lines, “This is the hottest damn tricycle in the world!” and “Pull up…pull up…too fast….too fast…!” Would we ever get over the loss? Slowly life returned to normal. The girls got older. We continued to spout odd lines of movie dialogue and when it happened to be from that particular movie we had a moment of silence.

And then I discovered Amazon.

This was still back in the days of….dial up service. Remember a time when it took 30 seconds or more for a page to load? But Amazon was just the most amazing thing. It was mostly books and VHS tapes back then. I was noodling around on day and typed in “Rescue of Flight 232”, which was always what WE had called the movie….and a page loaded with a movie called “A Thousand Heros”……..it was our movie. So what if the only place it shipped from was Australia. I ordered it, once I figured out how to do it.

This is it. In VHS form only because it is impossible to find it on DVD. Or at least impossible to find it on DVD in a format that will play in the US. We have no VHS player here at Chez Knit but that doesn’t matter. I still kept it just in case. It was my only link. There was no DVD available.

Or at least that is what I thought……until today.

For the love of Peter, Paul and Elvis Presley! It DOES exist on DVD.

Oh thank you thank you thank you YouTube. I was watching a clip or two from the movie, just to relive old times you know. Like having coffee with an old and dear friend that is parted from you. Too strong? OK, I had a few minutes and thought I would indulge. And as I was watching the plane crash sequence for the 1000th time I noticed that the clip had been uploaded by something called Classic Movies….so I clicked on the link, hoping against all hope that they could help me. I mean, if AMAZON didn’t have what I wanted how could anyone else help me (insert sarcasm here).

And there it was. The DVD version of A Thousand Heroes for the reasonable price of $14.95. I couldn’t get my credit card out fast enough. Oh postal service work your magic. Bring my DVD soon.

Why am I waxing rhapsodic about an idiotic movie about a plane crash that happened 25 years ago…..July 19th, 1989. Yes, do the math. That would be 25 years ago this past Saturday.

And while I am dogging the mailbox for my DVD I will read this…….

I was first on the waiting list at the library. The book even smells new.

Obsessed? Who is obsessed.

I just like a good story.