Wednesday, January 11, 2012


I am going to complain today so be prepared. I am feeling squirrely


And WHAT is wrong with being squirrely I ask you? All MY friends are squirrely.

Moving on. That was gratuitous use of a squirrel picture for humorous effect. I apologize.


Thank you!

We all know that I love Max the Wonder Dog. Despite is tendency to shed enough on a monthly basis to knit a sweater. And his terrible breath. And his tendency to eat butter.


Thank you Alpha Male!! I love you too.

Can I have a treat?

Or a cookie?

I need to go out.


But he has a bad habit. Well, he has more than one bad habit but there is one that just sends me through the roof.

Makes me crazy.

Drives me nuts.

He licks my kitchen floor.

Yes, yes I know he is a dog and that is what dogs do. I get that. But there is licking the occasional crumb off the floor, not that I HAVE any crumbs on the floor, and giving the floor a bath. Lovingly licking it as if that strip of floor right by where I cook and bake is a new born puppy in need of cleaning up.

We didn’t notice it at first. I didn’t really pay attention. But then I began to wonder why the floor was discolored in a three inch wide strip right under the lower kitchen cabinets. I was confuzzled. It wasn’t that when I washed my kitchen floor I just skipped that part. It was still there AFTER washing.

And then I walked in one day to see the floor in that area was wet and the dog was laboriously licking the floor, moving slowly along with his big dog snout stuck under the cabinet.

Sssssschlurp. Sssssschlurp. Ssssschlurp

MAX!!!!!! STOP THAT!!!!!!


I am so sorry Alpha Male. But there was essence of food on the floor and I couldn’t help myself.

And he is SO sneaky about it now that he knows it is verboten. He can be very quiet when he wants to be and when I exit the kitchen it isn’t unusual for him to slip in on silent hairy feet and lovingly bath the floor in essence of dog saliva. It has gotten to the point where when I leave the kitchen I will pause and then quietly sneak back in to see if I can catch him at it. Sometimes I do….sometimes I don’t.

Yes, that discoloration on the floor was actually an accumulated layer of dog saliva. And it is very difficult to remove from the floor once he lays down a layer or two. It is sort of his own version of floor grade polydogethane. It is a constant struggle between us.

He licks the floor. I clean the floor.

It is my secret pain.


  1. Try putting a mouse trap, set but without bait, in the area. It will make a loud noise and scare him but not hurt him when he hits it with his nose. Now all we have to do it place an unset trap out in a forbidden area and my dog runs and quivers.

  2. Now I have to say that is a good idea. HHBL thinks we need to employ this method for a bit.

  3. Spray that area with bitter apple, if you can find it. It won't hurt him at all, but will sure make it unpalatable.


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