Talkin’ Turkey Smack

I love living in a more rural area. You just never know what you might see. Now I have to tell you that we don’t live out in the wilds mind you. In fact, I don’t think there are any wilds to speak of in Cleveland. Well except for maybe down in the Flats on a Saturday night. But out here, it is rural but not wild.
We do have our wild things though. We have deer as I might have mentioned before. We have buzzards in the summer. We have coyotes, groundhogs, turkey, owls and all the other assorted creatures that live in the woods. It’s a regular Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom around here.
HHBL seems to think that I have the uncanny ability to see things that no one else could possibly see. I don’t know about that. I am sure that other people saw the moose grazing by the side of the road in Park City, Utah. Just because the van was doing 65mph. And yes I did see 26 alligators along the drive back from lunch when we were in Florida. You just have to know what you are looking for is all. I guess that my eye just sees what isn’t supposed to be there.
In my mind there should not be alligators sunning themselves beside the canal.
So, I am off to do my grocery shopping yesterday. Monday is always my day to go grocery shopping. It has been for about 20 years. I don’t like to deviate from my patterns, it throws me off and….
Oh, we weren’t talking about grocery shopping? Ummm, right. So, I am driving along about 5 minutes from my house. Driving past a large field that I pass multiple times each week. The sun is shining…for the 5th straight day which is unheard of around here, the gloomiest place on earth. The snow is melting…and melting…and melting.
Huh, what’s that at the edge of the field? Too small to be a deer and not the right color. To big to be a black bird and besides there are too many of them.

Wait just a minute……
Holy Thanksgiving Dinner Batman, I think that is a rafter of turkeys! And yes that is one of the correct collective nouns for a group of turkeys. We will now return you to the show.
Thank goodness this isn’t a heavily traveled road because I just jammed on the brakes to take a look. Yup, turkeys. Loads of them moving back and forth across that little strip of open ground between the trees and the snow. At that moment I could hear Sam Neill in Jurassic Park…..
(Cue the swelling music) “They DO move in herds.”
I am not sure why I heard that but I did. I only had my little camera with me so I quick took a picture or two, made a rather illegal u-turn in the middle of the road. Hey RURAL remember. And then hightailed it back home to grab the big camera and the telephoto lens, praying all the while that they would still be there when I got back. It looked like, from afar, some kind of show off contest but I wasn’t sure.
I zoom back, put the car in park with the hazards on, and start taking some pictures.
Oh my goodness. 30 male turkeys, tail feathers up, talking turkey smack to each other and trying to impress the ladies.
Hey girls, get a load of MY feathers!
I’ve got what you need right here girl!
Get a load of my wattle! I bet you’ve never seen a snood like mine.
You could hear them as clear as day, talkin’ to the ladies and throwing turkey insults at each other. Mixin’ up them big turkey drumsticks and shakin’ those tail feathers.
Does it feel like I am using the apostrophe too much? I will try to stop now but I make no promises.
The ladies didn’t seem too interested to tell you the truth. They just stood there for a time looking at the display and then they sort of wandered off to do whatever lady turkeys do on sunny March days. You could just hear them talking amongst themselves…
Martha did you hear what that idiot said?
You know, I don’t think his feathers are all that big. But you know what they say about the size of a tom’s feet and the size of his….tail feathers.
Frank, just keep your tail feathers in place. You are making a spectacle of yourself.
Just about the time the ladies started to wander off then the tom’s really started in with the insults.
Hey bud, you aren’t anything special. I bet they passed you over at Thanksgiving.
Yeah, well your feathers are funny looking!
You want to come over here and say that to my beak you bird brain!
I figured that things were going to get ugly so I hightailed it out of there and went on to the grocery store where things were safe and the only turkey that you are going to see at this time of year is one that has been raised on a farm and frozen for my convenience.
Man I love living in the country.