Sorry! I actually started the post with profanity. Oops. But what I said is true, and if you are anywhere south of 45 years old, you have no idea.
So, for a while I had suspected that there might be a teeny tiny issue with my blood pressure. I mean, back when I was in my low 40's there was an occasion or two when it was a bit on the higher side but still within "normal" range. But when have I ever actually been normal. Come on! I am the kid that would have had a liverwurst and mayo with sweet pickles sandwich for breakfast, every day, if I could have. I never do anything the normal or easy way. What is the fun in THAT! But, there was this little naggy voice in the back of my head that kept saying, "You REALLY should have that checked out you know because, well, grandad had that FIRST heart attack at age 44......"
I try studiously to ignore the voices in my head because sometimes they tell me to do things like buy sock yarn when I know darn well that I currently have 92 skeins (the ACTUAL number because I just counted) of sock yarn already in the stash. No, I don't have a problem. Why do you suggest that thing?
Where was I? I was dazzled by the sock yarn and I got distracted. Oh yes, blood pressure.
SO, I hadn't been to the doctor
Was it something I said?
So, I went to see Dr. B in December. And while I was there they of course took my blood pressure. And.....it was a bit on the elevated side. Not quite incompatible with life mind you but close. It made the nurse and the doctor pause for a minute or two and take my BP again. It had come down a bit but was still no where in acceptable range.
Dr. B - You should have that looked at. Do you have a PCP (Primary Car Physician, not Phencyclidine, otherwise known as Angel Dust)?
Me - Ummmm, no. I am meaning to find one.
Dr. B - You might want to get that BP checked out.
Me - Will do!
Then I went to see the general surgeon about the weird lump on my arm and after they took my BP the nurse suggested that they could just send me upstairs afterwards to have someone look at that number cuz, "Oh my gosh girl are you not having a head ache with that number?" I declined. I had places to go and I was feeling fine.
I continued to put it off. I had that lovely colonoscopy, so much fun, and what I didn't tell you about the experience was that my BP was elevated before the actual event. And not by just a bit. Before they wheeled me back I was blowing BP's in the range of 175/100. Not enough to blow the lid off of my head but enough to have them not do the colonoscopy if it didn't come down, which is did, after they gave me the Fentanyl. They suggested that I should see a PCP for that number. I said I would, but I put it off some more because I was feeling fine.
Only really, I wasn't feeling fine. And I was monitoring my BP at home and I was getting numbers that were very scary. And I don't scare easily.
So finally I found Dr. M. Who took one look at my BP, after they couldn't get it to go lower than 165/99, even after sitting in a dark room for 5 minutes, and told me, "You will need to start on some medication."
Ummmmmmm. I can get on board with that.
So, for the last 4 months we have striven mightily to get this thing under control. The first medication was doing an OK job, not great but OK, but I couldn't stand the side effect. A cough, all day and all night. So the current medication that I am on is doing OK but not great (I see a pattern here). And now I get to take a second medication, Lasix, which just means that I get to pee ALL THE TIME. In the relative scheme of things this isn't the worst thing in the world, having to take BP medication for the rest of my life so that I don't stroke out at some point. But the thing that I have had the hardest time with is feeling like a failure for something that I really have no control over. I have done all that Dr. M, in her quiet little voice, has told me to do. I have cut WAAAAAAY down on the amount of caffeine that I drink. I watch my salt intake (don't tell her about the Hawaiian pizza we had last night that had ham and bacon on it), and I am trying to manage my stress as best I can at the moment.
It just still feels like a failure on my part.
I am whining, I know, but really I am just tired of this whole BP issue.
Excuse me but......I have to go pee.....again.