Pyridium Is My Friend

I am going to warn you right now. This post might use the words….

pee – in several different colors

bladder

medication

movies

inadvertent groping of elderly women

pain and misery

fabulous

You have been warned……….

And now on to the story.

It is Monday. Usually that is a difficult blogging day for me. I have taken two days off. The little gray cells are at rest and have no great desire to be stirred into any semblance of life. But I had to tell you about the weekend. Saturday to be exact. Specifically Saturday from about 4:10p onwards.

It was one of those kinds of experiences. And since I love to share EVERYTHING with all 3 of you who read my blatherings then here goes.

HHBL and I decided to take in a movie on Saturday afternoon. It was freezing cold and therefore we felt the need to go out into said cold to do something. We had been vacillating back and forth whether to see True Grit (which I have already seen) and The King’s Speech. HHBL, being the awesome hubby that he is, said that we could go to see The King’s Speech. Who wouldn’t want to take their wife to see a movie about a long dead king of England trying to overcome his horrific stammering problem. We got a bit of a late start out the door and so were buying our tickets just as the previews were about to begin.

Theater 9, right. This way. We toodle into theater 9, it is dark, the previews are just beginning. Thank goodness we didn’t miss them! We make the left hand turn to find seats and….

come to a screeching halt. What the heck?? The theater is really full. Really full of little elderly people munching popcorn and tuning their hearing aides. Why are all these people in my theater? Rats. And the lights are all the way down so it is a bit harder to see. But we managed. We walked up the stairs a bit and found two seats in a row. Not too bad but there were two little old ladies sitting in the seats on the aisle. We stood there and asked if the seats beyond them were saved. No? Great! So I begin to make my way to those seats. And my feet, which are trying to hurry me to that seat, come into contact with some unseen objects lurking in the dark on the floor of the theater. To wit, the little old lady’s feet and legs which she had left stretched out.

My feet are moving. Her legs are not. I come to a screeching and tottering halt.

Wooooooooooow.

I have a choice. I can fall forward, planting my face on the theater floor and possibly rupturing an eyeball or something. Not going to happen I can tell you. Or I can try to stall my forward movement until she can move her feet/legs/gigantic handbag out of the way. The other little problem was that my arms were sort of still wrapped up in my lovely alpaca wrap. I can’t wave my arms and steady myself. But I can fling myself to the left….

Right onto the little elderly woman whom I have just tripped over. AND in doing so I can also extend my hand out and plant it….

Right in the area that only her gynecologist sees.

Oh my word! I’m so sorry! Excuse me! Eeek!

I am finally in my seat, thanking the movie gods that the lights were down and most people weren’t privy to my inadvertent groping of a little old lady.

But now the problem was, after I got myself settled, I had to go to the bathroom. Rats! And there was no way in heaven that I was going to try to get back past that lady. So I held it. I am a big girl I can do this.

Just as an aside, The King’s Speech is FABULOUS!!! You must go see it. I command you!

So, after 111 minutes of movie plus another 15 minutes of previews we were finally able to exit the theater. The little old ladies, one being my gropee, let us get out first. I wonder why? And my first stop was the bathroom.

And that was when I realized that I might have another problem. I hoped it wasn’t true. I prayed it wasn’t true.

Can I ask you a question? I can? Good.

Have you ever had a bladder infection? Well I have, even though it had been a LONG time. And I remember what it feels like.

And I had that feeling again. In spades. Ratsratsratsratsrats.

I can think this away. It is just my imagination. It is just because I sat for so long without going. I will be fine. Just because I feel like I have to go again and I just went. Just my imagination.

No…..it wasn’t.

HHBL suggested that we stop at Steak & Shake on the way home to get a nutritious and highly filling Patty Melt. Excellent! All my fat intake for the week in one fell swoop. Awesome.

And while we were there….for a total of 45 minutes….I spent about 15 of that in the bathroom.

I will spare you all the details. I will only say that after HHBL paid the bill I suggested that we might swing by the ER. I felt that it might be wise.

And it was so good that we did. Saturday night is dicey for going to the local urgent care. We don’t live in a high crime area but you never know how big a back up there will be on a Saturday night. I was going to have a hard time if I had to wait a long time. Thank goodness they got me in fairly quickly. Giving them a “sample” was a toughie. And I would have just said that taking a look at it would have been sufficient to put me on an antibiotic.

TMI?

The very nice nurse, who needed a shave and looked like he had just come off a three day bender, sent it off to the lab and very quickly the news came back…

Give that woman some Cipro! Quickly! And throw some Pyridium in for good measure.

Pyridium, to me, is a wonder drug. It is now my new best friend right after HHBL. It is a “bladder anesthetic”. It may have other uses but I really don’t care about them. When Joel the unshaven nurse said the words “bladder anesthetic” I said,

That’s the drug for me!

Thank goodness he told me that it would turn my pee orange for the two days that I would be taking it. Otherwise I would have been back in the ER later than night. And wouldn’t THAT have been embarrassing. 

But now it is Monday, and I am feeling a fair amount better. Thank goodness. Bladder infections are just miserable.

Doesn’t this whole story just make you ache to come to Chez Knit and party with us on a Saturday night.

You never know what we might come up with to do.

A movie, dinner and a bladder infection.

Good times!